Don't forget your husband...

As a mom with 2 kids under the age of 2 + an 8 year old stepson, I know how busy life can get! From changing diapers and breastfeeding to soccer practice and homework- I feel like I barely have time to breath. Not to mention I am trying to help run our family business in all the little windows of free time I have.

So what happens to your husband? I know that our hubbies often don't realize how much we actually do to run our household- however you really can't blame them. Until you've done it (become a mom, wife, cleaner, family accountant, etc.) - you can't even imagine how hard it is. Plus all of us women really know who runs the household- we just have to make sure our husbands feel like they do ;)

It can be so easy to let the time you spend together be pushed aside, but DON'T do it. Make time for date nights, and talk about something other than the kids, work, etc. Do it, because its worth it... remember, after its all said and done- you 2 are left enjoying the good life together!

Marriage is work, but you only get as much out of it as you put in... so go "All-In!"

2 Sides to Every Thought...

I often find myself thinking about something, my thoughts rambling on in my head, only to realize that I have just contradicted one thought with another. For example... looking at the mess in the living room- I think about how much I can't stand a messy house, how I want to keep the house immaculate, everything in its place. After all, I need to teach my kids by example- if I am messy, they will be messy- but if I am clean, they will be clean (eventually). These thoughts are over run by the thought of- "How do you really want to use your free time, cleaning, or doing something that satisfies you; something you don't get to do enough- like workout, write in your blog, read a book."

In the end, there are really always multiple ways to look at each situation you are confronted with- its like there is never truly a "right" answer, but just which one makes the most sense to you!

You're not my Real Mom

"You're not my real mom..." So common a phrase for a certain group of people: adoptive moms and stepmoms. The later hears it more often than the former, as we are often dealing with a jealous biological mother. I find this statement so interesting and manipulative. Manipulative either on the side of the BM who is trying to make herself feel better, or the child who is confused and/or upset at the new woman in her fathers life.

But really thinking about this statement has made me wonder... What is a "real mom?" If you look up the definition of mom in the dictionary it states: moth·er [noun] - A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.

So that sums it up huh? Great!

I like a Urban Dictionary user's definition of a mother:
"The woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else."

Of course, there is no definition or group of words that could truly define what it means to be a mother, but those of us who are know what it means without words. A mother is the sum of all of the experiences in life between a parent and a child that show unconditional love and devotion.

Stepmothers Boundaries

Did you ever notice how stepmothers are always accused of over stepping their boundaries. As if our boundaries are black and white and clear cut.

My husband and I took my stepson to his soccer game, and his BM met us there. As a previous soccer player myself, I helped my husband (one of the coaches) practice with the boys (4 year olds). During the game I cheered my stepson on, and when he came off the field I gave him a high five (or should I say HE came to give ME a high five). Pretty normal actions... RIGHT?!?!

Needless to say my husband got a wonderful call from BM 10 minutes after the soccer game. Names and derogatory comments were made towards me, and she stated that I overstepped my boundaries by a mile. WOW... a mile.

This is what really ticks me off. Why should I (the woman who is raising HER son... she is often too busy to do so herself, and she is one of those woman who just don't have "it" when it comes to parenting and discipling a child) have to attend my stepsons soccer game, & constantly think about every move I make, and if it will upset the BM?!?! Aren't we supposed to be in this for the children. What ever happened to the best interest of the child? If we asked Driss if he was unhappy about the way I acted at his soccer game, he would have NO idea what we are talking about (well ok, I know he is only 4 years old, but still...)

When we are making these so called "boundaries" for the stepmother, it seems to me that the child is forgotten, and we have begun to make boundaries to make the BM feel better.

So what is the solution? How far are we allowed to get involved in our stepchildrens lives? Any thoughts?