Stepmothers Boundaries

Did you ever notice how stepmothers are always accused of over stepping their boundaries. As if our boundaries are black and white and clear cut.

My husband and I took my stepson to his soccer game, and his BM met us there. As a previous soccer player myself, I helped my husband (one of the coaches) practice with the boys (4 year olds). During the game I cheered my stepson on, and when he came off the field I gave him a high five (or should I say HE came to give ME a high five). Pretty normal actions... RIGHT?!?!

Needless to say my husband got a wonderful call from BM 10 minutes after the soccer game. Names and derogatory comments were made towards me, and she stated that I overstepped my boundaries by a mile. WOW... a mile.

This is what really ticks me off. Why should I (the woman who is raising HER son... she is often too busy to do so herself, and she is one of those woman who just don't have "it" when it comes to parenting and discipling a child) have to attend my stepsons soccer game, & constantly think about every move I make, and if it will upset the BM?!?! Aren't we supposed to be in this for the children. What ever happened to the best interest of the child? If we asked Driss if he was unhappy about the way I acted at his soccer game, he would have NO idea what we are talking about (well ok, I know he is only 4 years old, but still...)

When we are making these so called "boundaries" for the stepmother, it seems to me that the child is forgotten, and we have begun to make boundaries to make the BM feel better.

So what is the solution? How far are we allowed to get involved in our stepchildrens lives? Any thoughts?